Forever Friends

My kids tell me they are not allowed to have best friends.  Apparently, their teachers discourage this.  I cannot say whether I agree with this mindset or not.  People are going to have friends who are closer than others, and that is unavoidable.  Kids' feelings are easily hurt though, so I can support the effort to not label friendships as "best" and isolate others.  Still...I want my kids to have best friends.  I want them to grow up with people they will remain close to for a lifetime.

I grew up with several close friends.  For the fun of it, let's rename them according to their personalities.  There was Sweet Intelligent, Cute Quiet, and Sporty Super.  We all grew up in the same church.  That was our common ground.  Otherwise, we had so many differences.

Sweet Intelligent was homeschooled, the second oldest of 7 kids, enjoyed writing plays, and was wise beyond her years.  She studied her Bible.  She thought deep thoughts.  She impressed all of us.  She was supportive of her friends and had a gentle way of correcting us when necessary.  It was difficult to get mad at Sweet Intelligent.  Her personality hasn't changed much 20 years later.  She is now the mom of 5 (soon to be 6), married to her high school sweetheart, and still as impressive as always.  She is still thinking those deep thoughts.  I don't see her as often as I would like.  We are busy moms, with 5 hours of travel time between us.  But she is my friend, and I can go to her with anything.

Cute Quiet was homeschooled through junior high.  She then joined me at my Christian high school, and I do not know if she talked at all that first year of school.  At school, Cute Quiet was unsure of herself, timid, and scared of people.  Ironically, inwardly and at church, she was confident and unafraid to stand for what she believed.  Cute Quiet's "church" personality has become her all-around personality now, 20 years later.  She is confident and willing to speak up when necessary.  She met a guy shortly after high school, fell in love, and married him.  They have 2 boys, whom she homeschools.  Cute Quiet moved south, and I moved north, so even more distance separates us.  But again, she is my friend.  She understands my life more than most, having been a pastor's wife herself.

Sporty Super went to public school in a different town than me, then to the same Christian high school as myself.  Sporty Super was a spit-fire.  She was always playing sports and repeatedly got in fights with the boys in the church gym.  She was competitive as could be.  She had something about her though, that drew people to her.  Somehow, she got special treatment from (seemingly) everyone.  People gave her stuff.  They catered to her.  She was fun.  She was funny.  She was kind to everyone (except when playing basketball) and she loved the Lord.  Her personality has not changed these past 20 years, but she has tamed her childhood temper.  Kids love her, and she is so great with them.  She now makes a living playing sports with kids!

The common thread between myself and these girls was simply our love for the Lord and our attendance at the same church from childhood through college.  We are so very different.  But whenever we get together, there is a lot of laughter and very little judgment. 

As an adult, I now realize how rare these friendships are.  I assumed all other people had this experience of lifelong friends.  But no, not all.

I recently had someone comment to me that she knew I wanted friends that had things in common with me.  It's true, I do.  We all do.  Common ground is necessary for developing friendships.  But as Christians, we already have common ground.  We already have the tie of Christ as our Savior and the desire to grow in love for Him that bring us together.  Those other differences in personalities and interests can be beautiful reminders of God's creative work in our lives.  Sweet Intelligent inspires me to read my Bible more.  Cute Quiet reminds me to slow down and think before I speak.  Sporty Super encourages me to be gentle and patient with my children.

I want my children to have friends like these.  I want them to be encouraged by other believers' common ground and challenged by their differences.  I want them to have friends who are faithful through time and distance.  And I want them to remember that lifelong friendships can develop at any age.

Book Review: Final Word

The Bible is under attack.  This truth is the title of the opening chapter of John MacArthur's Final Word: Why We Need the Bible.  Throughout this book, MacArthur unpacks the nuances his title implies. 

He begins by showing how Satan's primary tool is deception.  Since his first appearance in Scripture, Satan has twisted God's word and implied that it should be "questioned, evaluated, and judged".  MacArthur gives examples of modern critics of God's Word, showing how His Word is still under attack today. 

To combat these attacks, believers must be grounded in fundamental doctrine.  MacArthur spends two chapters teaching of the Bible's truth and authority.  The Bible is rational truth, containing actual history about real people.  Believers are meant to understand Scripture through carefully reasoned study.  The Bible is also authoritative, eliminating any need to seek subjective interpretation of Scripture. 

MacArthur uses the book of 1 John to explain spiritual growth and how one matures in Christ.  He teaches how believers progress from cognition of God's Word, to conviction, then to affection.  MacArthur clearly portrays the Bible as the catalyst of spiritual growth.  It is only through careful study of God's Word and the working of the Holy Spirit that this growth is achieved.

MacArthur further explains how the Bible is central to faithful ministry.  He uses Scripture to explain how the job of a pastor is to protect the truth of Scripture, warn people of error, and to teach faithfully.  Finally, he teaches how believers can rekindle a love for God's Word.

MacArthur's words are true and pertinent to Christians today.  MacArthur emphasizes that there are no short-cuts in learning God's Word.  He warns against any who might teach otherwise.  This sufficiency of Scripture is the focus of MacArthur's book, and it is a truth that is fundamental for the growth of all Christians.  As MacArthur writes, "If we want to experience the supernatural work of God in our lives, we must understand that the Holy Spirit makes it happen only through His Word.  There is no other means He has ordained, no momentary emotional or existential experience that can catapult us to some higher level of spiritual maturity.  We cannot set aside our Bibles and expect His sanctifying work to continue uninterrupted.  God saved us through the power of His Word, and its work is not finished.  We need to increase our hunger for His truth, knowing that it is the sole source of our spiritual lives and the only means through which the Spirit conforms us into the image of His Son."

Thanks to NetGalley for making this book available for an honest review.

Rachel's Rating:
★★★★★

What We Say Matters

I grew up with the erroneous idea that what I said was not important.  I could tease my friends, make fun of other people, berate myself, and this was okay.  After all, I was just Rachel.  Nobody really took anything I said seriously.  I did not have the power to hurt anyone.

How I got to this point is rather a mystery to me, and perhaps one day I will explore that further and try to understand.  The point is, I truly believed that.  This was not a false modesty or an excuse to avoid consequences of my actions.  I honestly believed that what I said did not matter.  Obviously, I was completely wrong, and I had to be shown and told that numerous times before I actually believed it.

Rachel, age 18

I remember one Christmas, we were in the living room as a family, and I was teasing my mom about something.  Now, anyone who knows my mom knows her strength.  Her name means "whole", "entire", or "complete one", and it is absolutely fitting for her character.  She put up with a lot from me as a teenager, and I never thought she was hurt by any of it.  But this day, I was teasing her mercilessly about something.  She looked at me and said in complete frustration, "WHY are you so mean to me?"  I was shocked.  I headed to my room in tears, ashamed and embarrassed.  I had hurt my mom?  How did that happen?  My mother, my rock, the complete one, was hurt by something I had said?  It didn't make sense to me.

I think I remember that scene so vividly, because it was the beginning of a change in thinking for me.  If I could hurt my mom by what I said, maybe my words were important after all.  Maybe the exhortation to, "let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear" (Ephesians 4:29) applied to me after all.

It seems the sins we struggle with in childhood are often the sins we struggle with in adulthood.  Even after all these years, I sometimes still find myself thinking that it doesn't really matter what I say.  I'm just Rachel.  Nobody really takes me seriously.  But oh, that could not be further from the truth.  I have seen countless times the results of letting my guard down and speaking unwisely and uncaringly to friends.  The words I say have the potential to do such damage.  As the book of James so poetically states, "...the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things.  How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire!  And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness.... It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison."

May the God who made us out of dust, who grants us salvation, who sustains us, also grant us wisdom to watch our words.  May He help us see that what we say matters.  And may He help us speak lovingly, kindly, and humbly to those around us.