Forever Friends

My kids tell me they are not allowed to have best friends.  Apparently, their teachers discourage this.  I cannot say whether I agree with this mindset or not.  People are going to have friends who are closer than others, and that is unavoidable.  Kids' feelings are easily hurt though, so I can support the effort to not label friendships as "best" and isolate others.  Still...I want my kids to have best friends.  I want them to grow up with people they will remain close to for a lifetime.

I grew up with several close friends.  For the fun of it, let's rename them according to their personalities.  There was Sweet Intelligent, Cute Quiet, and Sporty Super.  We all grew up in the same church.  That was our common ground.  Otherwise, we had so many differences.

Sweet Intelligent was homeschooled, the second oldest of 7 kids, enjoyed writing plays, and was wise beyond her years.  She studied her Bible.  She thought deep thoughts.  She impressed all of us.  She was supportive of her friends and had a gentle way of correcting us when necessary.  It was difficult to get mad at Sweet Intelligent.  Her personality hasn't changed much 20 years later.  She is now the mom of 5 (soon to be 6), married to her high school sweetheart, and still as impressive as always.  She is still thinking those deep thoughts.  I don't see her as often as I would like.  We are busy moms, with 5 hours of travel time between us.  But she is my friend, and I can go to her with anything.

Cute Quiet was homeschooled through junior high.  She then joined me at my Christian high school, and I do not know if she talked at all that first year of school.  At school, Cute Quiet was unsure of herself, timid, and scared of people.  Ironically, inwardly and at church, she was confident and unafraid to stand for what she believed.  Cute Quiet's "church" personality has become her all-around personality now, 20 years later.  She is confident and willing to speak up when necessary.  She met a guy shortly after high school, fell in love, and married him.  They have 2 boys, whom she homeschools.  Cute Quiet moved south, and I moved north, so even more distance separates us.  But again, she is my friend.  She understands my life more than most, having been a pastor's wife herself.

Sporty Super went to public school in a different town than me, then to the same Christian high school as myself.  Sporty Super was a spit-fire.  She was always playing sports and repeatedly got in fights with the boys in the church gym.  She was competitive as could be.  She had something about her though, that drew people to her.  Somehow, she got special treatment from (seemingly) everyone.  People gave her stuff.  They catered to her.  She was fun.  She was funny.  She was kind to everyone (except when playing basketball) and she loved the Lord.  Her personality has not changed these past 20 years, but she has tamed her childhood temper.  Kids love her, and she is so great with them.  She now makes a living playing sports with kids!

The common thread between myself and these girls was simply our love for the Lord and our attendance at the same church from childhood through college.  We are so very different.  But whenever we get together, there is a lot of laughter and very little judgment. 

As an adult, I now realize how rare these friendships are.  I assumed all other people had this experience of lifelong friends.  But no, not all.

I recently had someone comment to me that she knew I wanted friends that had things in common with me.  It's true, I do.  We all do.  Common ground is necessary for developing friendships.  But as Christians, we already have common ground.  We already have the tie of Christ as our Savior and the desire to grow in love for Him that bring us together.  Those other differences in personalities and interests can be beautiful reminders of God's creative work in our lives.  Sweet Intelligent inspires me to read my Bible more.  Cute Quiet reminds me to slow down and think before I speak.  Sporty Super encourages me to be gentle and patient with my children.

I want my children to have friends like these.  I want them to be encouraged by other believers' common ground and challenged by their differences.  I want them to have friends who are faithful through time and distance.  And I want them to remember that lifelong friendships can develop at any age.