A Day in the Life...

Last May, I wrote something for my blog that I never ended up posting.  It was mostly written for my own enjoyment, to remember what life was like at that time.  Now, I look back and chuckle to myself.  18 months ago, things were so different!  It is amazing how much can happen in such a short time...both by children growing and the world changing.

May 2, 2019:

One day, I will forget what a typical day in 2019 was like.  Of course, there is no typical day.  But there are several types of days I tend to cycle through.  Today is Work Day.

I did not work last night, so I woke at 6:45 when Tim's alarm went off.  My Fitbit says I got 7.5 hours of sleep; much better than my 6 hours I have been averaging this week.  Tim checks his phone and tells me today is a 2-hour delay for the girls, due to fog.  Nice!  I close my eyes for a few more minutes, then we get up to get the boys ready for preschool.

The girls are self-sufficient in the morning (with much coaching), and they happily follow my instructions to eat breakfast and get ready for school before playing.  The boys take more one-on-one attention and are scrambling to get out the door on time today.

I make some coffee and pack the girls' lunches.  The phone rings, and I chat with my friend while finishing these tasks.  I'm encouraged by her call.  We have so much in common with the stage of life we are in, and she just "gets me".  We wrap our call up so we can focus on our to-do lists, and I start getting myself ready for the day.  I am happily curling my hair in my bedroom, singing along with a Pandora station on my phone, when the girls come upstairs, giggling.  "We can hear you downstairs, Mom!"  Well, I was intending to have the morning to myself, and this is what I do when I am alone!  They find this information hilarious, and they join in the singing for a bit before retreating downstairs for another snack and a bit of TV.  (What is with all the snacks?!  They just had breakfast!)

It's 9:50.  Time to take the girls to school.  We head out the door, the girls with their backpacks, me with my grocery list and empty bags to return at Walmart.  I drop them off at school and head out to do my shopping alone.

Grocery shopping is uneventful.  I hit two different stores and stock up on food for the week, making it home at 12:00.  Tim has picked the boys up from preschool and is home for lunch.  I bring the groceries in the house, put away the refrigerated items, and leave the others on the floor for later.  "Later" might be today...might be in a week.  I am not very good about putting away groceries.

Lunch time for all!  Tim leaves to go back to work, and the boys want to watch TV.  I lay down on the floor for some rest before work.  It's not very quiet today.  N wants to climb on me and J wants to talk.  I think I nodded off for awhile, but I don't really know.  I feel okay to be up all night though, so I get up.

The boys tell me it is snack time.  Didn't they just eat?!  We get a snack. 

It is already 2:15.  The girls are staying late at school today, so I get another hour to accomplish things before picking them up.  I put some laundry in the wash, start up the dishwasher, and make a mental list of the other things I want to do before getting the girls.  The boys are building with blocks, so this might be a good time to read.

*At this point, my blog post ends.  I am sure I did not get to read.  I would have picked up the girls at 3:30, come home and fetched everyone another snack, encouraged everyone to do their daily reading, then started making supper.  We would have eaten dinner at 5:30, then I would have retreated upstairs to shower and get ready for work while Tim finished dinner with the kids and cleaned up the kitchen.  At 6:40 I would have left for my shift at work, which I am sure included a nice lunch break where I could attempt this blog post.  I am also sure the laundry never made it to the dryer that day, and the groceries sat on the kitchen floor for approximately one week.  Some things don't change.  ;) *

November 10, 2020:

I worked last night.  Morning report went a little longer than usual.  I was in the covid unit, so I took the time to sanitize my shoes and change my clothes at work before coming home.  This got me home around 8:15.  The family had just gotten back from dropping S off at school, and the youngest four were packing toys and schoolwork to take to the church.  Today was supposed to be a school day for all.  However, we got a message last night that the kids' elementary school is doing remote learning for a week and a half due to many staff members being quarantined for covid.  Thankfully, the kids can just read and play at the church today while Tim works.

2020 is so weird.

I unpack my work gear and head upstairs to sleep.  Last night was busy, with a lot of physical labor.  I am exhausted, and I am in bed by 8:45 and fall asleep immediately.  Next thing I know, my alarm is ringing.  It is 2:00 and I need to pick S up from school.  5.25 hours of sleep.  The lack of sleep is the hardest part of working night shift.

I get dressed, put on a touch of makeup, grab a mask and some coffee, and head out the door.  I get S from school and swing by the grocery store.  We need butter to make dinner tonight.  And cream for coffee.  And some food for work tonight. Drinks too.  And S needs candy.  

Together, she and I head back to the truck and drive to the church to swap out vehicles and bring home the little kids.  I need to get the boys started on their schoolwork.  They have read at the church, but they are not focused enough to do their other schoolwork there.  

3:20, we arrive at home.  Everyone wants a snack.  (That hasn't changed.)  I tell them no though.  We have a schedule to keep!  The girls are all finished with their work, so they head off to play.  I get the boys set up at the table, and we start their school packets.  N is motivated and works through his packet quickly.  J is taking his time and doing everything super neatly.  Finally, we get to a point in their work where they need to color, cut, and glue.  Yay!  Independent work!  I seize this opportunity to begin making dinner and pack myself a lunch for work.

At 5:00, dinner is ready.  We clear the table, eat together, and then I head upstairs to shower while Tim cleans the kitchen.  I return at 5:30 to help the boys with the rest of their school work.  N finishes his and runs off to play.  J and I continue to work together until 6:05.  Then he is done, so we clean up the table again.  I return upstairs to finish getting ready for work.

6:45, I am heading out the door.  This is later than I intended to leave, but it was unavoidable today and I will still be on time.

I change my clothes at work, gather my supplies, and head to the covid unit for report.  I have the same assignment as last night, so I know what to expect.  This makes the night flow a bit more smoothly.  Working the covid unit is not easy though.  My shoes are covered with disposable booties.  I wear a hairnet.  When I go into a patient's room, I change out of my white mask, into my StarWars-esque respirator.  I put on goggles, a face shield, gloves, and a disposable gown.  This process is time-consuming, but necessary.  Then when I exit the patient's room, I carefully remove and sanitize all these items.  I have a meticulous routine, and it is time-consuming.  Tasks that would normally be very quick, turn into a 20 minute process.  I have learned to plan ahead and prioritize better.  I try to do as much as I can each trip into a patient's room, to minimize the amount of times I enter and exit.  But I still have to make some calls from the patients' rooms, asking my co-workers for supplies that I have forgotten.

We have an excellent work team.  We support one another and help out as much as we can.  Work is very different than it was 18 months ago, but I am thankful for the group I am blessed to experience it with!

Tonight's work is not as physically taxing as last night.  It is emotionally draining though, and I am exhausted again by the end of the shift.  I sanitize my shoes, change my clothes, and clock out.  I head home to sleep until lunch time, when I will get up to do school with the kids, pick up my grocery order, and swing by the library.  It is going to be a busy day again.

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I am sure 2021 will be vastly different than the two years prior.  While I enjoy today and embrace the chaos, I also look forward to seeing what next year holds.  I wonder what that next "typical day" post will look like.

I Thought This Was Normal

I grew up in a loving home.  I had 3 older brothers.  My dad worked third shift most of my life, and my mom worked during the day.  Mom left the house around 5am, worked hard all day, then came home and took care of the house and our family.  She cooked dinner every single night, and we ate together as a family.  Dad worked hard all night in a physically taxing job, then did the school-runs with the kids in the morning.  He slept during the day and woke up to eat dinner with the family before preparing for another night of work.  Mom did the school pick-ups when we were younger, and then we car-pooled with another family as we entered high school.  

My parents were around. They were involved.  They loved and supported all four of us.  They took us to church.  They lived out the things we learned on Sundays.  God's Word was their foundation, the formation of their worldview.  They lived this out in their daily lives.  They were not perfect by any means, but they tried hard and they were genuine.  They were wonderful examples to us.

Somehow, in all of this, I felt like I did not quite fit in.  I felt different in my family because I was not a boy.  I felt left out because I had my own room and didn't like the same things my brothers liked. I was a tall girl, and I hit puberty early.  I felt different from my peers because of that. I was bigger than other people my age.  I felt my body was abnormal.  I had a fierce case of acne throughout my teen years.  I felt that was all people saw when they looked at me.

I spent a lot of time alone in my room.  I liked to read and play the clarinet for long, long periods of time.  I enjoyed writing.  But I also spent a lot of that time mentally beating myself up.  I thought my family would be better off without me.  I felt like I was a burden in many ways.  I was not convinced my friends were actually my friends. 

Anything negative that was said about me, I took to heart.  I took it as truth.  Positive things that were said about me, I blew off.  I figured those people did not know the real me, or they were just saying those things to be nice.

I thought these feelings were normal.

I thought every person went through this.

I thought everyone else was better at concealing things than I was.

I did well in school and graduated salutatorian of my class.  I went to a competitive college, entered a difficult major, and worked about 15 hours a week while taking a full-time course load.  It was a lot of work.  I loved it.  I loved learning.  I loved challenging myself.

I started talking to my future husband during my senior year of college.  Until that point, I did not think guys liked me.  I had some male "friends" in high school who had said some things to that effect, and I believed them.  I did not think there was anything attractive about me.  But I felt like Tim was worth the risk of opening up to.  He was in school in Michigan and I was in school in Ohio.  We would talk on the phone every Friday night until my phone died...usually 3-4 hours.  Then we would e-mail throughout the week.  

One day as a senior, I was in clinicals for nursing.  I was in the ICU that day, and I had a patient receiving tube feedings.  My instructor pulled me to the side to review the process with me.  I didn't know all the answers.  As was typical of me, tears formed in my eyes and I could not hold them back.  I was embarrassed to be crying, but this was how I coped.  My instructor, out of concern and compassion, tentatively broached a sensitive topic with me.  She placed her hand on my shoulder and asked, "Have you ever considered talking to a doctor about being put on an anti-depressant?"

I was humiliated.

I remember sharing this experience with Tim when it happened.  I was rationalizing all of it to him.  I was a sensitive person.  It is okay to be sensitive.  It is okay to cry.  It is okay to be a quiet person.  It is okay to be timid.  I was still strong.  There was nothing wrong with me.  I was normal.  

Looking back, all of those statements were true.  But they did not make the concerns of my instructor any less true. 

I graduated from Cedarville and moved into an apartment in Grand Rapids to be closer to Tim and figure out where our relationship was going.  That decision was atypical for my personality, but it was exactly what I needed.  My confidence slowly grew as I lived on my own, started my first real job, and got involved in a local church.  Making friends was difficult at that stage though, and I spent a lot of time alone.  

Tim and I got married a few years later, and we moved to California.  We had no family nearby, and we needed that.  We needed to learn how to be a married couple on our own.  The first year of marriage was rough for me.  I had this constant underlying fear that Tim would learn more about me and realize he didn't like me after all.  This feeling of inadequacy drove my response to my husband.  I accused him of thinking things he didn't think.  I took things he said and filtered them through the way I thought of myself.  I twisted his words. I heard things he never actually said.  I shed many tears, especially that first year.  

Then our first daughter was born.  I never knew my own selfishness until I was responsible for the life and well-being of another human.  Again, I spent a lot of time in tears and self-criticism.  I did not get enough sleep, because she was not a good sleeper.  I was afraid to be too needy, so I did not make alone-time a priority.  I missed my family.  I wanted to be near them, so they could know my baby girl.

We moved back to the midwest, now living within a few hours of our families.  Every two years, we added a child to the family.  Our grand finale was a set of twins.  With each addition, both happiness and stress grew.  By this time Tim and I had worked through the issues of our early marriage, and I no longer had those fears I had at first.  But every month, during my cycle, I would still beat myself up and hear him saying things he was not saying...things he has never said...things my rational mind knows he would never say.

I gradually learned to verbalize what I needed in those emotional situations.  But often, especially with the kids, I let stressful situations build up until I exploded in verbal anger.

Twice, I ended up in the walk-in clinic to be seen for abdominal pain.  Both times, I was told it was anxiety.  I was offered medication.  I was told I needed to deal with my stress.  I responded in anger.  I was frustrated they were not dealing with my medical symptoms.

As a Christian, I questioned if my anger was a sin issue.  Maybe I had sin in my life to deal with, and if I could just break through and conquer that, my issues would be resolved.  I had a lifelong cycle of responding in anger, beating myself up about it, confessing and repenting, praying for change, allowing stress to build up, responding in anger, etc.

In December of last year, I had an appointment with my primary care doctor.  She was going through her thorough assessment, and she asked, "how are you doing emotionally"?  The fountain of tears was not containable.  I had a lump in my throat and could not answer her question.  She looked at me and said, "ohhhhhh...let's visit that a little bit".  I shared my concerns about my anger.  I told her I was no longer able to function as the mom my children needed.  I admitted the depression I had been denying my entire life, and I asked for help.

Asking for help was a difficult thing to do.  Again, what if this was a sin issue that I was attempting to cover up with medication?  I was discussing this with a friend.  She said, "My son's therapist says that 'mad is sad's bodyguard'.  Sometimes it is easier to respond in anger than it is to be sad.  You are protecting yourself from sadness when you do that."  Mind.  Blown.  My anger was a manifestation of depression.

After 10 months of being on medication, I am finally able to write this blog post.  I am able to tell my story to the world, without embarrassment.  My mind feels so much more clear.  I do not know how to describe in words the cloud I lived under before treatment.  It was a fog in my mind, threatening to overtake and distort reality if I let my guard down.  It was a constant negative feeling, an inability to cope with any added stress in my life.

But again, what if it was a sin issue?  The Lord has been working in my heart, all this time.  These are not happy pills that take away all emotion.  Yes, I sin.  I still get angry, though not as quickly or as frequently as before.  I still confess my sins and pray for a change of heart and the ability to respond more appropriately.  But finally, I am able to accept the truth that God provides mercy and grace to ALL of His children.  I am no exception to that wonderful truth.

Why am I writing this post right now?  Mainly, I want to encourage other people.  First, if you are in a situation like mine, please seek help.  Maybe for you, that means seeking out a good Christian counselor.  Maybe it means talking to a trusted friend.  Maybe it means asking your doctor about medication options.  Whatever that looks like, reach out for help!  I sometimes wonder what pain I would have spared myself and my loved ones if I had listened to my nursing instructor and sought treatment in college.  Second, realize that those around you may have more going on in their lives than they let on.  Are you a close friend that can ask them how they are really doing?  Consider how you can support someone who may have an undiagnosed mental health condition.  Encourage those around you!  I had this support, but for so long I just was not ready to address my needs.  Give people time, and realize it may take years.  Find a way to let them know you love them, and realize this may look different for every person.

Esther: The Hidden Hand of God

 

Lydia Brownback’s new Bible study, Esther: The Hidden Hand of God is a well-written, thought-provoking study of the book of Esther.  This is the first release of Brownback’s “Flourish” Bible study series. 

This 10-week study takes a deep look into the book of Esther.  Each week covers approximately one chapter of Esther.  Brownback includes a helpful introduction and several charts throughout, to aid in understanding the flow of the book.  She provides background information for each chapter, and then walks the reader through Esther, verse-by-verse.  Brownback does an excellent job of pointing out repetition, explaining historical context, and highlighting major themes throughout this study.  She concludes each chapter with questions for the reader, to guide in points of application. 

I have been studying the book of Esther with my oldest daughter.  The questions I cover with her are based on Brownback’s book, though tailored to fit the emotional/maturity level of an eleven year-old.  I appreciate that Brownback is teaching Bible study methods that will help my daughter develop good habits now, which she will be able to implement throughout her entire life.  We are enjoying our study together, and I am thankful for this resource!

I highly recommend this author for those who seek a challenging inductive Bible study.  This study can be used for groups or individuals alike.  Brownback is set to release a study of 1 and 2 Peter in January.  I look forward to seeing and working through more of her studies in the future.  Her website gives a schedule of what studies to expect and when.  A leader’s guide to the study of Esther can also be downloaded there for free.

Rachel's Rating:

★★★★★

Thanks to NetGalley for providing and advanced copy of this book for review, in exchange for an honest review.

Book Review: Recovering From Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

Aimee Byrd's Recovering From Biblical Manhood and Womanhood is a book written in response to John Piper and Wayne Grudem's 1991 book, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood.  Byrd begins her book with a summary and explanation of a short story, The Yellow Wallpaper, which was written by Charlotte Perkins Gilman in the 1890's.  This short story tells of a woman who is suffering from post-partum depression and is prescribed rest therapy by her physician husband.  She spends her days alone in a room she does not like, the walls of which are covered in yellow wallpaper.  She eventually begins to see hallucinations of a woman struggling inside the wallpaper.  In an effort to free the woman in the wallpaper, the narrator tears down the wallpaper and is found creeping around the room.  Byrd references this story often throughout her book and addresses the issue of "yellow wallpaper" present in our churches.  Byrd states in her introduction that Recovering From Biblical Manhood and Womanhood is not a "man-bashing book.  And this isn't a womanempowerment [sic] book.  This is a book that appeals to the reader to look at the yellow wallpaper in the church and to do something about it."  

 

Summary

Byrd's book is divided into three sections, each of which confronts an area Christians need to "recover" regarding biblical manhood and womanhood.  The first section deals with recovering the way we read Scripture.  Byrd writes that although men and women read the same text in Scripture, the Bible is marketed differently to men than it is to women, both in sales and in church culture.  Some things Byrd cites as major gender-based issues in the church are the availability of Bibles in beautiful patterns, the fact that women tend to post Bible study pictures on social media in picture-perfect shots, and women not being taken seriously for their theological insights.  Byrd states, "I want to read my Bible just as seriously as the men.  The pretty cover on the women's Bible already begins to send a message that women will approach Scripture less seriously than men.  I'm judging the cover as I see the cover judging the readers by their gender."  She addresses that there seems to be an unwritten message that men cannot be taught by women, which she states is not consistent with Scripture.  She writes of Huldah, Ruth, Naomi, Rahab, Shiphrah and Puah, Achsah, and Deborah, etc. as "gynocentric interruptions", who were active in God's overall plan throughout Scripture, not merely in women's ministry.

Section two builds upon the first section, addressing how Christians need to "recover our mission".  This section specifically addresses Piper and Grudem's book.  Byrd tells of her first encounter reading their book as a new bride, compared to her next reading of their book years later.  She claims Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood promotes an unorthodox view of the Trinity, called eternal subordination of the Son, which she states Piper and Grudem use to build their premise of women being subordinate to men.  She confronts what it means to be a masculine male and a feminine female.  All this discussion is to build up to her main question:  Is Biblical manhood and womanhood our aim in discipleship?  Byrd rightly states, "Christian men and women don't strive for so-called biblical masculinity or femininity, but Christlikeness.  Rather than striving to prove our sexuality, the tone of our sexuality will express itself as we do this."

 

Byrd discusses how parachurch organizations are taking over the church's responsibility of discipling believers and why this is an issue.  There is much truth in her statement, "We reap the fruit of our interpretive community.  The public teaching of the Word shapes our private reading."  She adds, "It's the continual meeting together under the Word and sacraments, the continual receiving of God's means of grace, the continual benedictions of blessing and call to bear fruit, and continual personal time spent in the Word that truly shapes us."  In essence, what we learn in our church shapes how we read Scripture, and we need the community of men and women in the church setting, as God designed, to help us learn, interpret, and apply Scripture. 

 

Byrd's final section is titled, "recovering the responsibility of every believer".  In this section, she addresses women as necessary allies to men, rather than as ones who are "to continuously be looking for, affirming, and nurturing male authority", which she quotes John Piper as stating.  She uses the example of Phoebe being commended by Paul to show that in the New Testament, women were entrusted with great responsibilities, even delivering and subsequently explaining Paul's letter to the Romans.  

 

My Thoughts

I was first introduced to Aimee Byrd about 2 years ago, through her book No Little Women, which I reviewed here. I enjoyed that book and was excited to read another book by Byrd. I liked how No Little Women called for discernment and challenged women to be doctrinally sound.  I expected the same of Recovering From Biblical Manhood and Womanhood but was surprised to find that was not entirely the case.  Though Byrd called for those things in words, she referenced many egalitarian authors and agreed with them, which was discouraging.  I expected more discernment from her.

Having never read John Piper and Wayne Grudem's book, Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, I did not realize what I was about to read when I selected Byrd's book.  I found myself wishing her book had been laid out more clearly, quoting specific sections of Piper and Grudem's books so that the context of the ideas she was conveying was more clear.  At times it was difficult to understand the point she was trying to make.  Perhaps being more familiar with Piper and Grudem's book would make this easier.  I have read and listened to John Piper many times, and I have much respect for him and his teaching.  I find it difficult to believe that he is promoting the things Byrd claims, and I would like to study more what Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood is conveying.

There were several issues Byrd addressed as major that I consider very minor.  The beautiful covers on women's Bibles are just simply beautiful covers.  They appeal to a gender that is attracted to beautiful things.  If anything, it is a profitable marketing scheme to compel women to purchase more Bibles.  I do not think my church takes my theology less seriously based on my flower-print Bible that I purchased because of its beauty and lined margins, perfect for my colorful notes that help me visually remember the flow of Scripture.  Her statement about women in Scripture being active in God's overall plan, not just women's ministry put me on the defensive.  Of course women are active parts of God's plan.  In my complementarian circles, I do not personally know anyone who denies that. 

Byrd makes some statements in generalities that I personally have not experienced.  She states that pastors' sermons are geared toward men rather than women.  My experience has been that pastors give illustrations based on their own lives.  These illustrations do likely speak more to men, simply because the ones speaking are men.  This does not mean pastors do not consider how Scripture impacts women.  This does not change the application of a passage.  Byrd also speaks of not being taken seriously by the pastors in her church.  This is unfortunate, though not my own experience.  I have been blessed with godly leaders who have invested in my life through book recommendations, Scriptural preaching, and being willing to participate with me personally in theological discussions.  As a pastor's wife, I am blessed to have daily theological discussions with my pastor in my own home.  My husband/pastor encourages me to study Scripture and recommends resources to help to that end.  I know from watching him that he treats other women in the same manner.

Byrd's book was disappointing in that it did not address key Scriptures regarding women in the church.  1 Timothy 2:12 - "I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man; rather she is to remain quiet."  I would expect this would be a key text to confront in a book on this topic.  Also, she took much liberty in expounding on the unknowns of Scripture regarding the women mentioned previously.

 

Denny Burk, current president of the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood (CBMW) reviewed Aimee Byrd's book.  Regarding statements Byrd claims the CBMW makes about the eternal subordination of the Son (ESS), Burk states, "The Council has never approved any official statement endorsing ESS. Byrd’s case against CBMW relies on there having been some official endorsement of ESS at CBMW, but that has never happened. Many of the council members have never held to any version of ESS (however it is defined) and would resist any implication that they have. But Byrd misrepresents this."

 

Overall, I was disappointed in this book.  I expected more of Byrd, based on her previous writings.  Unfortunately, this is not a book I can recommend to others.

Rachel's Rating:

★★☆☆☆

 

Thanks to NetGalley for providing an advanced copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

Book Review: Guarding Your Heart

A.W. Pink's Guarding Your Heart is based on Proverbs 4:23:  "Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life".  This book is devoted to explaining this verse in detail and providing useful application for everyday life.  As Pink rightly states, "All outward actions are worthless while our hearts be not right with God". Throughout this book, he builds on this truth and seeks to show believers both the importance of having a heart right with God and the diligence it takes on our part to make that happen.  He does not forsake the work of the Holy Spirit in this endeavor, but the focus of this book is on the directive given in Proverbs 4:23.

 

Pink devotes his first chapter to the phrase "keep thy heart".  He offers both definitions and examples before transitioning to the next chapter, "diligent effort".  Here he emphasizes both man's responsibility to keep his heart and his helplessness in and of himself to do so.  My favorite quote in this short book is the prayer that follows:  "Lord, Thou requirest me to keep my heart with all diligence, and I feel utterly incompetent for such a task; such a work lies altogether beyond my poor feeble powers; therefore, I humbly ask Thee in the name of Christ to graciously grant unto me supernatural strength to do as Thou hast bidden me.  Lord, work in me both to will and to do of Thy good pleasure."  

Pink's third chapter focuses on the fact that the Lord looks on the heart.  He exhorts believers to remember this truth when deciding how to spend their time, money, and care.  This chapter concludes with a list of the heart-characteristics Christian ought to have, including Scripture references for further study.

The fourth and fifth chapters focus on practical applications.  Chapter four discusses keeping the heart during different seasons, including prosperity, adversity, public danger, trouble in the church, injuries and abuses, spiritual gloom, and critical illness.  Chapter five addresses "other issues".  Both of these chapters are again full of Scripture and prod the reader to examine his own heart.

In his final chapter, Pink discusses the benefits of keeping the heart.  He offers a conclusion of encouragement to those who faithfully and closely perform this hard work of keeping their heart.  

I chose this book by A.W. Pink for two different reasons.  First, the topic.  Proverbs 4:23 is a verse that confused me during adolescence and young adulthood.  I would hear peers quote "guard your heart" in reference to relationships with the opposite sex.  "Don't give your heart away too soon or to the wrong guy" was what they meant.  While this is wise counsel, I was convinced the verse meant much more than that.  

The second reason I chose this book was because my favorite Bible study author mentioned that A.W. Pink is her favorite theologian. A.W. Pink is new to me, but I can see why my author thinks so highly of him. His writing is easy to follow, but deep with personal application.  This book may only take about an hour to read, but the practical implications need to be mulled over and digested for days, weeks, and months to come.

I look forward to reading more by Pink and intend on coming back to this book for further study in the future.

Rachel's Rating:

★★★★★

Book Review - (A)Typical Woman: Free, Whole, and Called in Christ

Abigail Dodds' (A)Typical Woman:  Free, Whole and Called in Christ addresses the topic of biblical womanhood from the complementarian perspective.  This is not a book that is addressing a new idea.  Dodds states in the beginning of her book, "So many are searching for a novel approach, a new way to think about something, a uniqueness or niche.... Novelty leads to heresy and false teaching....  If this book seems like new information to you, it isn't because I came up with something novel; it's because we've forgotten the basics, or we were never taught them." 

(A)Typical Woman is broken into three parts.  Part one addresses what it means to be a Christian woman.  Dodds focuses on being dead to sin and made into a new woman at the point of becoming a Christian.  She debunks the notion that a "typical" woman exists and focuses on the call of all women to be faithful to God in the circumstances He has given.

Part two breaks down the different titles seen throughout womanhood:  single, married, mothering, working, and discipling.  She points out the differences in these varied stations of life, but exhorts that these different viewpoints are inter-dependent.  Dodds poses a question all women, regardless of their current stage of life, should consider before embarking on new endeavors such as "entering the workforce or motherhood or setting up their home or any sphere of work".  She challenges women to ask themselves, "Am I faithfully obeying God as his child by meeting the genuine needs of others, or am I pursuing self-actualization, self-fulfillment, or selfish ambition apart from him?"

In part three, Dodds focuses on how women are fearless and free in Christ. She spends time discussing the importance of relationships with others who differ from us and the growth and perspective that can be developed from those relationships.  She focuses once again on the myth of "typical" womanhood.  "The nature of being Christian women isn't based on what we do but on who we are - who he's made us."  In conclusion, she offers a challenge.  "Are we willing to be agents of the gospel of Jesus Christ?  Are we willing to exercise the gifts God has given us, whether teaching, serving, administrating, giving, counseling with wisdom, exhorting, and on and on, to his glory and for his people, holding nothing back?  Are we willing to really have some skin in the game?"

True to her word, Dodds did not present anything new or different from the Biblical perspective of womanhood that I have been taught from Scripture my entire life.  I appreciated her reminders of serving Christ in every aspect of our lives and remaining faithful to all He has called us to.

 

Rachel's Rating:

★★★★☆

Book Review: Is God Speaking to Me

Is God Speaking to Me, by Lysa TerKeurst, is a brief booklet taken from her book, What Happens When Women Say Yes to God.  In this three-chapter synopsis, TerKeurst spends the first chapter describing what it means to have a soul that "longs for more".  She encourages women to daily say "yes" to God, emphasizing the act of surrendering to God through prayer each morning.  She focuses on obedience to God's commands, which she terms "radical obedience".  She also introduces the idea of radical blessings, though she does not define these blessings until chapter three.

Set to release September 1, 2020

The next chapter is spent discussing what it means both to hear God's voice and to be assured it is Him speaking.  She states, "When God speaks to me, it is a certain impression on my heart that I've come to recognize as Him."  She then lists 5 questions she asks herself to determine if what she is hearing is from God or not.

The final chapter describes the radical blessings that result from following God wholeheartedly.  These include a deeper relationship with God, a more adventurous life, depth of inner peace, better relationships with people, having a meaning and purpose to life, and having an eternal perspective.

TerKeurst emphasizes subjective experience in this book, which is not surprising, considering the title.  She states, "As we experience God personally, we come to know new names for Him.  When we've experienced His provision, we come to know Him as our Provider.  When we've experienced His comfort, we come to know Him as our Comforter.... The longer we know Him and the more we experience Him personally, the more we learn about His character."  This sounds good.  But let us think it through.  Wouldn't it be great if God would just write us a book with all of these characteristics prominently on display, worked out in the lives of sinful humans who have lived before us?  Isn't it great that He has done just that in the Bible?  Isn't it great that we do not have to wait for personal experience to see and embrace Him as our Provider and Comforter?  There is great value in experiencing God's character on display in our lives, but we learn about His character, first and foremost, through His written Word.

TerKeurst lists questions to ask oneself while studying Scripture.  While she states that these are just starting point questions, they are mostly self- focused:  "Who is this passage speaking to?  What is it saying to me?  What direction is this passage giving?  How might I need to change my way of thinking or acting as a result of this verse?  What are some other verses that relate to this topic, both in the Old Testament and New Testament?"  She does not include any question of context or authorial intent.  These two questions are essential building-blocks for studying Scripture.  Skipping to personal application of a passage without regard to the context surrounding the passage or authorial intent is dangerous!  We must handle the Word of God properly in order to understand what God is communicating to us through it. We cannot skip the step of interpretation on our way to figuring out application.

When determining whether one is hearing the voice of God, TerKeurst states one should ask herself whether or not the action she is seeking to do would please God.  She states, "Would this please God?  You see, if what you are doing pleases God, then even if what you thought you heard from Him wasn't His voice, you still please Him.  We should always seek to err on the side of pleasing God.  Ask this question, and you'll know what to do."  This statement should raise red flags!  Yes, we want to please God.  But does it really please God when you claim your actions are something God instructed you to do, when He did not?  Arriving at the proper actions does not excuse using an erroneous method to get there.  The ends do not justify the means.  Putting words in the mouth of God that He did not say is irresponsible and dangerous.

I mostly disagreed with what TerKeurst had to say.  She makes statements that sound so good, yet are not quite right.  Her subtle deviation from Scripture is difficult to discern at times.  This practice of misrepresenting Scripture is dangerous and cannot be taken lightly.  Small errors in Biblical interpretation lead to big errors in theology.  And theology sets the framework for how one views and interacts with the world and with God Himself.

Thanks to NetGalley for providing this book in exchange for an honest review.

Rachel's Rating:

★☆☆☆☆

Struggling...and Resetting

The past two weeks have been rather mundane.  To be frank, it has been a struggle.  I am not unhappy or restless or bored.  I am just feeling "blah".  There is plenty going on to keep me occupied, but I want to sit around and watch TV all day.  I want to be self-absorbed on my phone, rather than clean the house or read a book, or anything at all productive.  Maybe it is hormonal, or depression, or exhaustion from working third shift.  Maybe it is just laziness.  I don't know.  But it has been a struggle, and I want to snap out of it.  I need to snap out of it.

I am currently on day 3 of a 10-day stretch off of work.  This is my normal schedule, a 10-day break I get every 6 weeks.  Sounds pretty amazing, right?  A mini vacation built right into my work schedule.  It is nice!  But I find myself most unproductive during these 10 days.  I procrastinate and "veg" all day because I have plenty of time to spend doing whatever I want to do.  Then before I know it, I am on day 8 or 9, and I have to work hard to get everything done before going back to work.

The beginning of Corona-break was filled with resolve to be more disciplined in my daily life.  I was writing letters to people as I thought of them, journaling back and forth with my kids daily, keeping them on track with school work, enlisting their help in house work, and reading my Bible and books diligently.

Time moved on, and now I find myself at the end of week 7 of social distancing.  My resolve has dwindled.  I wrote a total of 4 letters this month.  I wanted to write one daily.  The kids' journals sit in a stack, where they have sat untouched for about 3 weeks.  House work is hit-or-miss.  I still read my Bible, but book reading is no longer a priority.  Thankfully, the school sent packets of work for the kids to do, so they are still keeping up with that!

So I need to reset. 

Here are the positives that have happened since the last time I blogged.

Bible study has been meeting via Facebook video chat, every other Monday.  This group of ladies is so encouraging, so honest, so refreshing to chat with each time we meet.  I love hearing their perspectives and encouragement.  It is a joy to study the Bible with them and learn together.

I was able to talk with friends from college this weekend.  I don't remember the last time I saw them all together.  It has been far too long.  I have not been good at keeping in contact.  But it was so encouraging to see their faces and talk about life.  Seeing them made me miss them more, and I hope we are able to do that again soon.

I have seen the kids enjoying each other so much since they have been home.  Sure, they fight.  But I see the love they have for each other and the way they play together.  It is fun to watch them be creative and find ways to include everyone in their play. 

I have a great group of co-workers, and I think we are keeping each other sane right now.  We have a lot of fun together when we work, we talk about our lives and how COVID is affecting us right now, we tease each other and laugh at stupid things that happen.  We eat good food together.  They scare me and laugh at how easy it is to do.

A family from our church dropped a care package off at our house on Sunday.  The kids and I were on a walk at the time, and they drove down where we were to say hi from their van.  I cannot tell you how encouraging it was just to see their faces!  I miss that family.  I miss my church family!

Today I reset.  I have laundry going, I finished some paperwork that was waiting to be completed, this blog post has been written, dishes are next on my list, letters will be responded to, and my kitchen counter WILL be clean again by the end of the day.

How are you all doing?

God's Work In Me

Yesterday, my husband asked me if I had a Bible verse that I really liked.  Philippians 2:13 came to mind right away. "For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure."

This verse caused me confusion for quite some time.  Then, some ladies from church did a Bible study on the book of Philippians.  Through that, I learned what the verse was saying.  Perhaps it is obvious to you...but for me, it took awhile to understand.

God is working in my life.  He is the one who brings all good things.  He is the one who gives me the desire to do right.  He is the one who enables me to do right.  And these good things that He enables me to do?  They are not for me.  They are for Him.  They are for His pleasure, and His pleasure is good.

Simple, right?  That is EXACTLY what the verse says.  So why did it take me so long to understand what the verse was saying?

I am not a patient person.  My husband says I have improved greatly in this area since we have been married, which is so incredibly encouraging to hear.  But still...I have a long way to go, and it is a struggle.  For so long, I would beat myself up over it.  "Just be patient, Rachel.  Just do it." "Count to 3, then react."  "Recite this verse about patience whenever you feel impatient."  These were the things I would tell myself.  Time after time, my inward struggle would just lead to more guilt.  I would fail, chastise myself, at times berate myself, repent, and repeat.  Those things I was telling myself were well and good.  There is nothing wrong with those statements.  But they missed the main point.  They were focused on behavior modification, rather than a change of heart.

Since it is God who is working in me, giving me the desire to do right and also the ability to carry it out, then shouldn't my response to my own impatience be to run to Him in prayer?  Shouldn't I rest secure that He will work in me to carry out these very things He has given me the desire to do?  Knowing that my very life is for His good pleasure, shouldn't I be driven to study His Word and know Him more?  Shouldn't I be seeking counsel from fellow believers who also know and love Him?

My mindset has been changing, ever so slowly.  Life is not about behavior modification and simply doing the right thing.  Life is about doing right, obeying God's commands, for God's good pleasure.  And our God, who sees our hearts, knows very well what our motivation is.  There is no hiding that from Him.

This is not simply about Rachel being more patient.  This is about God's transforming power at work in the lives of all believers.  This is about God, not Rachel.  THAT is the point.  That has always been the point.  Somehow, I missed it.  

In studying His Word, God transforms our lives.  We see more clearly who He is.  Little by little, we learn to love Him more.  And as we do this, He conforms us to His image.  He develops that patience, or those good works, in us.  He causes us to do right.   He uses fellow believers to come alongside us and teach us.  He uses our life experiences to grow us.  Through it all, He is at work.

So if you see Rachel being patient with someone, if you see Rachel working out her salvation, join with me and praise the Lord for that!  It is Him, working in me, and it is for His pleasure.

Encouragement Through Changes

Life this week looks vastly different than life three weeks ago.  I have my entire family home all day, every day.  I only leave the house for work and groceries.  Even for groceries, I try to use curbside pick-up as much as possible.  I spent the past week without a phone, as mine died the day the shelter-in-place order was issued.

Prior to all this, I looked forward to having anywhere from 1-3 mornings a week child-free, depending on my work schedule.  Those mornings would be spent catching up on cleaning at the house while singing along to my favorite music, or shopping for craft supplies and working on projects.  Sometimes I would call my parents or a friend to catch up.  Other times I would simply sleep, in effort to be well-rested for an upcoming night of work.  I had me-time, and I loved it.

Now, most everything has changed.  In the midst of these changes, there is increased stress.  Transitions always involve stress, whether they are good changes or bad!  Transitioning to having my kids home is such a blessing.  I love that they take care of each other, play well together, enjoy learning schoolwork at home, and desire to be taught life skills that they see me doing!  But it is a change, and it is stressful.  They also fight, need snacks every 2 hours (?!?!?!), enjoy saying "Mom" repeatedly all day long, and frankly...they get bored!

One thing I have been thinking about during these few weeks:  How are we doing at keeping in contact with each other?  Specifically for the Church...what are we doing to encourage one another right now?  We are all under stress in one way or another, and we are not able to meet weekly to encourage one another.  What are we doing in the meantime?

I have been encouraged in several ways this past week.  My daughter's Sunday school teacher sent her lesson in the mail, along with the papers she typically does every week.  Another daughter's school teacher wrote her a letter, including an addressed, stamped envelope to make writing back much easier.  My girls' piano teacher took time to ask how I was doing and prayed with me over the phone after the girls' lessons this week.  We were able to have Bible study via Facebook chat last Monday!  My husband's sermon was still possible, courtesy of YouTube.

I just want to encourage you...whether it seems like it or not, you probably have extra time right now.  I know I do.  I have the 40 minutes every week that I used to spend transporting the girls to and from piano.  I have the 20+ minutes I spent every day picking them up from school.  I have the 2-4 hours I used to spend shopping (or at least browsing) each week for "non-essentials".  What are we doing with that extra time?  Are we making good use of it?

This is hard for all of us.  So maybe check in with your friends.  Spend quality time with your kids.  Take a walk with your husband.  Write a letter to encourage someone.  Download Zoom and have your kids talk to their cousins in Kentucky (on my to-do list!).  Find a way to keep in touch.  We are still the body of Christ, and we still need each other.  Be creative in finding a way to reach out.  We all need it.

This current situation is not a surprise to our sovereign God.  He will use it for good.  James 1, Romans 5, and 1 Peter 1 have all been teaching me this!  Let's continue to spend time in prayer, read His Word, and support one another.

How have you been encouraged this past week?

Update from the Funhouse

It has been almost a week since we learned that the kids would not be returning to school for at least four weeks and that we should practice "social distancing".  To describe this past week would include many paradoxes: stressful, yet relaxing...exhausting, yet refreshing...chaotic, yet peaceful...busy, yet slow-paced.

Tim and I have continued to work, which means juggling our time around each other's schedules to ensure someone is always home with the kids.  I have worked two 12-hour nights this week, with a third coming up tonight.  I will continue this 2-3 nights per week schedule for the foreseeable future.  However, as a nurse in the hospital, I expect to be called upon to pick up more shifts soon.  Tim continues to keep his study schedule and preparations for preaching on Sunday.  Some of his work is done from home, but most is done from the office.

The kids are keeping up with schoolwork at the house.  Their teachers sent work home from school last Friday, plus there are an overwhelming amount of resources available online.  We are enjoying the Scholastic daily work, Lunch Doodles with Mo, Prodigy, and Typing Club.  We were able to hit the library Friday before it closed, so we are set with reading material.  Some co-workers helped me find worksheets for the boys to do each day.  Sarah and Caitlyn are diligent with their daily piano practice, even though lessons are currently on hold.  We do journal prompts to practice our writing.  My personal favorite thing we have implemented is "life skill of the day".  Turns out if you title it as a class and package it with their schoolwork, kids are more willing to change the sheets on their beds, fold laundry, etc. 

The kids' attitudes are mixed, depending on the moment.  They miss their friends, but the "why can't we" questions seem to have died down after the first few days.  They are getting creative, communicating with the neighbors via walkie talkie, and standing at the end of our driveway to talk to the neighbors at the end of theirs.  We are happy that the weather has provided opportunity to be outside.  We all need that. 


We have a lot of free time to fill up.  We watch quite a bit of TV.  Frozen and Frozen 2 have been playing frequently here.  The kids are enjoying Amazon music as well.  Board games are seeing increased use, and of course toys are played with daily.  Next week we plan to do more crafts, when my work schedule allows for it a bit better than this week did.

Of course, increased time together means we also get on each other's nerves and need our quiet, personal space at times.  We have meltdowns daily, from both the stress of schedule changes and doing schoolwork at home.  On Tuesday, I wasn't sure we were going to make it through this without tearing each other apart.  But removing myself from the situation, taking a shower, spending time alone in Bible study was exactly what I needed.  So much of this is about perspective, and we need the Lord to keep us on track with that!

I am reminded that the "testing of our faith produces steadfastness" and to let "steadfastness have it full effect, that you may be mature and complete" (James 1).  God will use this trial for good.  My job is to remain steadfast and trust Him through it.

So while we have increased stress from all these changes, we are also relaxing by having a go-nowhere schedule.  While it is exhausting to keep up on schoolwork and have little people at home constantly, it is also refreshing to be able to teach and connect with them.  While it is chaotic to be thrown into this with no notice, it is peaceful knowing that God will use it for good.  And while our days are full of busy-ness, it is also slow-paced, knowing what we are not able to accomplish today will make it on our list for tomorrow.

I thank the Lord we are all healthy, yet I know that could change at any moment.  I am praying He comforts us through what is happening now and what may happen in the near future.  And I trust Him, knowing He will see us through these uncertain times.

Book Review: Think

My children LOVE the library.  We are fortunate to have two libraries in the area that we can visit, and my children like to rotate so that we are choosing new books every two weeks or so.  We spend our time at the libraries "shopping" for the five kids, and I rarely am able to make an escape to the adult section to make a selection for myself.  This past library trip, I made it a priority to select a book for myself.  I was looking for a book in the Christian Living section that was worth reading and was happy to find John Piper's Think.  Though I had never heard of the book before, I selected this based on Piper's good reputation as a pastor.  I was not disappointed in the book.  But I must say, I quickly realized that I do not enjoy borrowing books to read.  I am one who enjoys underlining, and the library frowns upon marking up their material!  I found myself utilizing my camera phone, taking photos of important things I wanted to remember.

Piper begins his work by clarifying the intent behind his book.  He quotes 2 Timothy 2:7, "Think over what I say, for the Lord will give you understanding in everything."  He then clarifies, "Thinking is essential on the path to understanding.  But understanding is a gift of God.  That is the point of this book."  Then he examines Proverbs 2:1-6, and states, "...we should seek understanding like a miser seeks silver.  We should use our minds with eagerness and skill.  What is the reason given?  The same one Paul gave:  'For the Lord gives wisdom.'  They go together - our seeking understanding and God's giving it.  Seeking it like silver is essential to finding.  But finding is a gift of God.  That is the point of this book."

We are not called to be lazy Christians. We are called to search, to study, to work hard!  "The mind is mainly a servant of the heart.  That is, the mind serves to know the truth that fuels the fires of the heart."  We are called to think.  Piper exhorts that this thinking is mainly the art of reading.  He clarifies, "The best reading of the most insightful literature (especially the Bible) involves serious thinking."

I have recently heard two women I know and love express their self-consciousness at "not being smart enough".  I write in quotations, because I do not at all agree with these ladies' assessments of themselves.  Mortimer Adler, author of How to Read a Book, is quoted as saying, "Most of us do not know what the limits of our comprehension are.  We have never tried our powers to the full.  It is my honest belief that almost all the great books in every field are within the grasp of all normally intelligent men."  I fully agree!  Adler also states, "What for one man requires little or no effort may demand genuine exertion for another."  Perhaps we may not grasp all details of what we read.  But we grasp some details.  We work hard to understand what we can, and further reading adds to our previous understanding.  Through hard work and persistence, our knowledge grows.  And through this understanding, our heart changes.

Piper has much to say on the topic of thinking.  His thoughts are clearly stated and challenging to consider.  I especially appreciate his explanation of what it means to have childlike faith.  This is not anti-intellectualism.  Rather, it is humility.  Children are "happy to depend on their parents for help in all their obvious helplessness".  The struggle within Christianity is not whether to be intellectual or not, for God has called all of us to be thinkers.  The struggle is to preserve humility!  "The aim of this book is serious, faithful, humble thinking that leads to the true knowledge of God, which leads to loving him, which overflows in loving others."

I was challenged by this book.  The past year has been one of increasing reading in my own life and focusing on reading challenging material.  Piper's book encouraged me to continue doing what I have been doing.  It encouraged me to work hard to understand even the things that are overwhelming at first glance.

May we all be working diligently to understand and grow in our knowledge of God.  And may we stay humble in this pursuit, knowing that this is a gift from God.  May we fall more in love with Him as we know Him more.

Rachel's Rating:
★★★★☆

We Make Our Own Drama...

Yesterday, I had something at work where I had to present my social security card.  So I got into the safe place we keep those documents and pulled it out.  Ready to go.  I also needed to find the boys' birth certificates.  Kindergarten registration is less than two weeks away, so I might as well pull those out now.  

I couldn't find them.

How...in five years' time...did I not prioritize moving their birth certificates to the safe spot with the others?  The search for their birth certificates was on.  I knew what I was looking for:  The big white envelope from the hospital, with "Master 'Full Given Name'" typed in all capital letters.  I had seen those envelopes from time to time.  I knew we had them in our closet.

It didn't take long, and my efforts were rewarded.  Two envelopes, in pristine condition, right where I thought I would find them.  I opened the envelops to find...the paperwork to fill out for a birth certificate.

How...in five years' time...did I not prioritize securing copies of their birth certificates?!  Maybe I could fill these out real quick and mail them the same day.  The bold letters at the bottom of the paperwork thwarted my plan:  Please allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.

Kindergarten registration is less than 2 weeks away.  This is a conundrum.  

Maybe the county clerk can expedite sending them if I call?  Maybe the school will allow me to register the boys and produce the birth certificates later?  I decided to call the county clerk first.  Her amazing answer was, "If you show up in person, we can print them for you on the spot".  Perfect!

I text my husband.  "I have to go to the county clerk tomorrow for birth certificates for the boys.  I never did that."  He is used to me forgetting important things until the last minute and responds, "Have fun with that :)"

This brings us to today.  I had to drive to downtown Kalamazoo, as the boys were born in Kalamazoo County.  I am not at all familiar with downtown Kalamazoo.  No matter, I have a GPS.  All is well.

Tim had the minivan this morning, to transport all the kids to school.  This means I had the truck.  The newer, nicer, bigger vehicle.  The one that makes me feel cool driving, but lowers my driving confidence just a smidge.  No matter.  I can do this.

I drive downtown.  I find the building I need.  I do not see parking anywhere.  I turn and find a parking garage.  Perfect!  I pull in, and my antenna bends back on the "6 foot 8 inch" clearance bar.  How tall is this truck?  I have no idea.  There is not enough space to hop out and see how much distance is between the top of the truck and the clearance bar.  But there is nobody behind me.  I back up and drive around the block.  

I call my husband.

"How tall is the truck?"

"I don't know.  Why?"
"Well, I have to park in the parking garage and I don't know if the truck is less than the 6 foot 8 inches clearance."

"I have no idea."

"Okay, I will look for another place to park."

I hang up with Tim and consult with Google (while at a red light, of course).  F150s have a range of heights, with the highest listed at 78.5 inches.  Ugh...I consult my calculator.  6 foot 6.5 inches.

I don't like that answer.  It would probably be okay, but I don't want to risk a speed bump or something taking off the top of my truck!  So I drive around some more, looking for another place to park.  I am not willing to use a parking meter, because I have no idea how long it will take at the county clerk.  Up ahead is another parking garage.  It has a 7-foot clearance.  Woot woot!  

I safely park my truck without incident, walk to the county clerk's office, fill out the necessary paperwork, and get copies of the boys' birth certificates, all in about ten minutes or less.

I drive home, and I take a nap.  That was exhausting.

Book Review - Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was and Who God Has Always Been

I am working through Tim Challies' 2020 Christian Reading Challenge.  For my "book of your choice" I chose Gay Girl, Good God: The Story of Who I Was and Who God Has Always Been by Jackie Hill Perry.

As I observe those around me, I see different responses to those who struggle with homosexuality.  There are Christians and non-Christians alike who see this lifestyle as being acceptable.  They say we should not question who someone loves, and people are homosexual from birth...it is not something they choose to be.  On the other end of the spectrum, we see those who are labeled "homophobic".  They avoid homosexuals and condemn every aspect of their personhood, based on this lifestyle.  My question is, what does the Bible teach about how we are to address those who struggle with homosexuality?  What of a Christian who has same-sex attraction?

In Gay Girl, Good God, Perry gives an open account of her life.  After being rejected by her birth father and raised by her single mother, Perry did not see men as "safe".  As a teenager, she discovered her attraction to females and entered into homosexual relationships.

But God.  Perry came to know Christ as her Savior, and her life changed.  I love how she emphasizes that God did not simply save her from homosexuality.  He did not swoop in and change her, so that she was suddenly no longer attracted to females.  Rather, God forgave all of her sin, transformed her mind, helped her to see her homosexuality as the sin that it is, and gave her both the desire and the strength to turn from this sin.  Same sex attraction is still something she struggles with and likely always will.  As Perry writes, "Same sex desires are actual.  Though born of sin, they aren't an imaginary feeling one conjures up for the sake of being different.  But the actuality of the affection doesn't make them morally justifiable.  It is the mind, when conformed to the image of sin, that moves us to call evil good simply because it feels good to us."

At the end of her book, Perry offers some resources for those who may be struggling with being a Christian while having same sex attraction.  These chapters are well thought-out and filled with helpful Scripture.  Written by one who has struggled through these things herself, this looks to be a very encouraging resource.  These chapters can also be helpful to those who do not understand how a Christian can struggle with same sex attraction and who wish to find clarity on the matter.

Homosexuality is fairly common in our culture, and Christians need to know what the Bible teaches on the subject and how to interact with those who struggle with this sin.  This book helps teach in a way that is practical and easily digestible.  I am thankful for Perry's candor on the matter and would recommend this book to those interested in learning more.

Rachel's Rating:
★★★★☆

Bonhoeffer: Pastor, Martyr, Prophet, Spy

History has never really been "my thing".  It was not interesting in school, so I did not bother to commit details like dates, names of wars, or famous leaders to my long-term memory.  I learned enough to take the tests and pass the classes.  Even now, history is a struggle for me.  But somehow, reading a biography makes it fascinating.  Having a specific person's name and being privy to his thoughts makes history come alive.  Suddenly, I am interested and take note.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a theologian, pastor, spy, and ultimately a martyr.  He lived in Nazi Germany and took part in a plan to assassinate Adolf Hitler.  Eventually, he was discovered and put to death for this role, a mere three weeks before Hitler took his own life.

In reading (and partially listening through) this hefty 600+ page biography by Eric Metaxas, I learned much about Germany that I did not know.  I learned much of Hitler's rise to power.  I learned of the ways he deceived so many well-intentioned people who could not see what he was doing!  But somehow, Bonhoeffer knew, and he sought to do something about it.

In the midst of all this, I learned of Bonhoeffer's work as a theologian and a pastor.  He was a truly amazing man.  He was a deep thinker, firm in his faith and unapologetic for his beliefs.  Though he lived in a time were true persecution was a reality for many like himself, he stood firm to the end.  That steadfastness is respectable.

As I read, I was struck by so many of Bonhoeffer's quotes.  He wrote many letters, and his encouragement to his friends has been preserved in that way.  One thing he wrote that has stuck in my mind, was in a letter to other leaders of the Confessing Church, informing them that a friend and fellow pastor had been killed.  He wrote, "I am sure that he was prepared to go.  Where God tears great gaps we should not try to fill them with human words.  They should remain open.  Our only comfort is the God of the resurrection, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who also was and is his God."  What great perspective and response in such a time of suffering!

Though this is a long read, and even a long listen via audiobook, I highly recommend this book.  The theology and history taught throughout is well worth the time investment.  I look forward to reading Dietrich Bonhoeffer's literature and learning more from this man.

Rachel's Rating
★★★★☆